change

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.

-- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

...

I got a new job.

It was kind of a big deal -- well, for me at least. Leaving my old job was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in a long time. I was itchy for something new and desperate to finish school. But I couldn't shake my attachment to the kids, the comfort of life's steady rhythm, and the reality that I was good at what I did. My two weeks notice was an emotional tug-o-war. My boss was grateful for all that I had done but frustrated with me for leaving her stranded with two months left in the school year. Not that I blame her -- I knew my timing wasn't ideal. But life sometimes has a mind of its own, and I got a surprise job opportunity that was too good to pass up. Some of my students cried when I told them what was about to happen, and overnight my table was littered with secret notes, presents, and promises that they would be on their best behavior. (I found the note above in my coat pocket.) I was a complete wreck my last day of work; my courage was shot and tears sprang up with each goodbye.

Part of me felt like I was washing the past five years down the drain. I had decided long ago that being an elementary school teacher wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Why, then, had I clung on so hard to this job? Fortunately, Frank said something when he hugged me goodbye that made all the pieces fit together. Our tables have sat side-by-side for the past three years, so naturally he has heard every word that's come out of my mouth during that time. He's seen me at my best and worst moments -- and, through it all, has been my biggest fan. His goodbye was tender and gracious. With tears in his eyes he told me that I was going to be one incredible mother.

I sobbed the whole way home. It's been a long time since somebody has said something that has touched me so deeply. I'm not here to pat myself on the back, but I would be a fool not to acknowledge that this whole experience changed me in ways I don't fully comprehend. This job was so much more than a paycheck. And although my college credits crawled by, I know -- for whatever reason -- that I needed to freeze my life in order to experience this.

I'm so glad I did.

... Now full-speed ahead.